I've heard from quite a few astrologer friends that when Mercury is in retrograde, as it is now, that all kinds of things go screwy. Gadgets don't work, electronics misfire, everything just seems to not work right. Including our communications with each other. I can' prove any of that, but I do have a iPhone story...
My little boy is in hardcore potty training. He is rewarded for long stretches of success with...toys. Yes. He's not punished when it doesn't work, but when he gets it right...positive reinforcement. Tonight's win was made possible by Addicted Consumers r Us: the Disney store. We stopped to eat dinner first, he even used the big restaurant potty! Yes, score! All was well.
And then to Disney for a toy. I admit, I am a fan of Walt Disney, the Mouse, and its kingdom. I grew up with the characters, the magic, the dreams...and find it all wonderful for engaging the imaginations of children. Jiminy Cricket and wishing upon a star? The Lady and the Tramp, love on the wrong side of the tracks. Snow White and true love's kiss. Sleeping Beauty, my all-time favorite, could you tell? Sweet Rose, raised in the forest by three magical, enchanted Aunties....she was friends with all the creatures, big and small, and joins them all in sweet song, dance, and frolic? Once Upon a Dream? Oh, I was hooked. Fast.
The boy wanted cars. The CARS-cars. I indulged in a small dancing Groot for my desk. Because focus. (Just kidding, I just wanted one. It's cute and fun and silly and makes me feel sparkly. I don't need to justify my Groot to you, so get over it already. I AM GROOT.)
We even get a reusable Disney shopping bag, perfect. Back to the car. All tucked in...WHERE IS MY PHONE? :gulp: (expletive, expletive, expletive.) Back in the stroller, power-walkathon. Weaving, bobbing, Nascar-esque diva speed. We get back to Disney. Tear the giant mound of stuffed animals apart, because...he was there. Sorry, Disney. The pile of Woodys. Sorry, again. A kind Mom with her own gang of boys felt my distress, she heard the sister-call. "Hang on, put your number in, let's find it!" She dials...we wait. Older boy #1 thinks he hears it. "DISNEY, CAN YOU TURN THE EMPEROR'S CLOTHES SONG DOWN, FOR TWO SECONDS?" They...oblige. Thanks, Disney. Sorry. Again. Pretty sure my phone is on silent, because "work."
No dice. No sound. Nada. Zip. Silence. Stomach convulsions. Every joint in my body aches, because stupid tension. Because missing phone. Thanked everyone, left my info with the patient manager, who of course, was super-Disnified through the whole thing. (EXCELLENT customer service, they train 'em right.) Forlorn. Exhausted. Annoyed. Frustrated. Wit's end. Imagining what I had to do...call phone service, freeze, lock phone, all this stuff which is making my head implode. But breathing, it's just a thing. I can do this. Handle-able. My little dude: "it's okay Mom, we will find it. Let's do this..." Cool as a cucumber.
"I hope so babe, I just hope no one stole it. Sometimes when we drop things, people walk off with them..."
"Maybe not, Mom, let's just see..."
Me: silent eyerolling and cursing. Oh, the innocence. Praying. Dear Jesus, Mary, God, Buddha, interdimensional beings of Light and wisdom, Shiva and Shakti, spirits, grandmothers, Gaia, Gods and Goddesses and guides and angels and legos and faeries and GI JOE AND MARY POPPINS AND ANYONE LISTENING ANYWHERE... please help me find this phone. PLEASE. I need this win. I just do. Puh-Lease. I'll do a hundred crunches tomorrow. AND squats. And I won't complain about my neck. Or other stuff. Please. Just please.
Hit the restaurant that we stopped at first...on our way back to the car.
"Did anyone, by any chance, turn in an iPhone?" Girl nods.
"Yes!" Insides stand up at attention, in wait.
"With flowers on the case, and cracked safety glass in front?" Please, please, please...
"Yes, hang on..." :tears, lip quivers still praying to anything not nailed down: Manager returns... IT'S MINE! Good as new. In my hand. I hold it tight as it it might fly away, into the night air.
"See Mom, there it is! We found it, I told you..." This kid. And here's what Yoda baby says next. Listen:
"when we're very nervous, we don't get it. When we aren't nervous anymore...we get it!"
Smiles. Me...barrels of tension roll off onto the floor. Oof. Really sorry, Disney. You were great. I was panicked But you were great. Really. I'll send you a card.
And we think we're raising THEM. We had a great talk on the walk back to the car. People don't always take things when they see them, sometimes people return things, because they know someone is looking for it. Because really, people care about each other, really. We just forget, sometimes, when we get scared. But mostly, we take care of each other. Mostly people are good.
What an adventure. This boy. My heart. xoxo
Super grateful to have my phone and am seriously considering backing it up and using alternative photo/video storage. :) Just in case.
(Get your sh*t together, Mercury. Seriously. Sheesh. it's nice blaming a planet...)
No More Bullshit
I was planning to write a nice, sweet post about how inspired I was at the Peabody museum, visiting the reconstructed Chinese House there. And it was lovely, indeed. I do have stories and magical moments to share.
But I listened to a podcast on the way home that made my blood boil... it was "for empaths." I consider myself an empath, one sensitive to subtle energies, intuition, etc... But as I tuned in, the speaker, whom I won't identify, simply sounded tortured and in pain and miserable and angry, so angry, at the whole world for not coddling her. Which can be a quite harmful way to live. Just my opinion, of course. It didn't soothe me or calm me or validate me at all, as a lot of other speakers can: it felt like a hateful attack against confident people. Like someone who'd been bullied too long and just never quite healed and grew through it, got stronger, etc... Like she just carried the pain, the wounding, forward with her, into every corner of her life. Casting aside anyone who might threaten her safe bubble where everyone is bland and nice. And knowing that I am a balance of both of these... as we all are... I couldn't finish the podcast. She was just hating herself, and others, it seemed. And loudly. So... I sat with that, I rolled around in it. Thought about it. Thought about all of these understandings and explanations about how to do Life. I fell asleep with it.
Epiphany/rant upon waking this morning:
We are all narcissists and we are all empaths. We all have light sides, we all have dark sides. The harder you lean to one side, lifting one, condemning the other, the more you divide and disrupt what should be a natural sort of harmony. Yin/yang.
No, I'm not saying embrace true sociopaths: those who choose heinous acts, beyond normalcy: like incest, rape, harmful crimes, unwarranted destruction, manipulative cruelty against other people, they may demonstrate cult-like and controlling behavior, those who seek to control your mind and design your life-choices for their own gain or insecurities, those folks who make your hair stand up and you just KNOW something is wrong... etc... most of us, simply aren't this. We're just working, searching folks looking for connections, meaning, and smiles, trying not to muck things up too bad. So don't read into any of this and internalize. For clarity, I consider Hitler to be in the above category. The unibomber. The psychopaths that shoot up children in schools. Not *you* because you were a bitch at the grocery store... we all go there, sometimes.
I am just sick of seeing good people categorized as "evil narcissists" because they are simply honest and assertive and successful. Because they chose a different path than you did, and won, even if they made mistakes along the way. Most...learn and grow.
Just like not all "empaths" are weak, broken, and victims of awful abuse.
That's just not so. We all have the potential for these gifts if we focus and allow them. It's a gift of mind, and of life-experience, available to all of us, and it's not "chosen" or especially selected for a blessed few. That, right there, whether you like it or not... is... narcissistic thinking. Sorry, sweet angel empath. (I identify as an empath and work hard at investigating this potential, but I am no angel... I am human.)
We are all both. All of us. Nurture BALANCE. Stay in the middle. That's it.
"Which wolf do you feed?"
I think these extremes are dangerous and do more harm than good for humanity, as a whole. Just like religion and any harsh dogma or strict ideologies that favor one group over another. They separate and push us away from each other. Just more labels to further complicate things. Republican, democrat. Hipster, hippie. Lover, fighter. Flowers, weeds. Religious, athiest. Christian, heathen. Giver, taker. Paleo, vegan. "My way is better than yours..." It goes on and on and on. I'm fed up.
I'm so done. I'm just... so done. We are all...everything. We have good days, bad days. We get upset and say stupid things, we come through when needed and do amazing things. We are selfish and want things, while also being compassionate, while we give things ... when appropriate. *When appropriate.* And it's within all of us to figure Life out.
I had a vision, last night, like I was flying over the country, the world, in an airplane. And all I saw were circles of BS. This one, smearing and spreading his BS over everything, covering up his lot of believers. The other one, she was doing the same, and then that one, and that one...and on and on and on. Circles upon circles of BS. But from up there, it was ALL BS. Everyone, laying dormant, beneath circles of BS, spread by someone else. They couldn't even see the sky, the clouds, the birds: all they saw was this ceiling of BS. Imposed upon them by others. "This is who I say you are..."
Show me the folks that are cleaning up the crap that distorts the view that we are truly peaceful, kind, loving folks at heart, and I'll show you a true leader. Those that teach us to think, to decide, and not to follow along, blind...for a super-low price of $49.95.
Color me disillusioned. Yet, smarter, stronger, and more focused on my place in the world, than ever before. I'll elaborate, it's fairly simple: the universe is already balanced. Good things happen, bad things happen.
I'd rather enjoy my Life, and make beautiful things, then sit around worrying about it.