What a few days it's been...
I took a much needed detox from social media, among other things, and wow...what I've missed.
I was severely saddened to read about Prince leaving us. What a unique and expressive soul. But rather than write a soliloquy to Prince, as the Internet now drips with memes, videos, slogans, articles, and quotes that honor his life...I will just say that I'll enjoy his music, all memories from my youth, playing on the radio in memoriam.
Anyway. I have been OUTDOORS lately. It's been absolutely lovely in my neck of the woods! So, in my near-separation from social media, which did me a world of good, I have reconnected to my heart: nature. The green Adirondack chair in the photo below, is my favorite spot. I call it my Walden chair. I just sit there and let the birds sing their secrets. The wind fills me in. The treetops sway and lean, and come back to center. They're flexible. They bend, sure...but they bounce right back. And my birds...Cardinals, Blue Jays, the Robins building their nest in the old pine next to the garage. I had a little bunny hop by today. I name every wild "street bunny" I see, Nacho. I don't know why, it's a thing I do. So, Nacho the bunny sat back: his little nose twitching a thousand beats per minute, nibbling some crab-grass. He was watching me break up sod and turn some dirt over this afternoon. I didn't have my camera, then. I never have it ready when my animal friends show up...maybe...they just know. He only stayed a few minutes, anyway.
So, I finished up my project today. Four glorious, back-breaking hours under the sun, covered in dirt. And I've never felt more at peace and inspired. Warm sun, fresh breezes, the sound of the birds, my hands in the earth, relocating grubs, keeping the worms (earthworms aerate the soil, they're keepers.)
I now have a bed of freshly turned and nourished earth, ready for planting...to let Mother Nature do her thing and turn bulbs into flowers. It's a bit early, for this area, to do a full planting of crops or flowers (I still bought two potted plants, though. Stubborn I am)...we might still get a snap of cold air. But bulbs? They get tucked away, covered by the soil, and warmed by the natural fertilizer (I found an awesome non-GMO, all-natural, non-toxic mix to feed the soil with. Forgot the name, but they exist. No contaminants, and safe for creatures that might visit your garden. Including curious toddlers.) The bulbs are protected from the elements under there, and come summer, we'll have lush, colorful, vibrant dalias, lilies, gladiolas, and I can't even remember what else. But I am excited to bring the life and beauty of these blossoms and blooms into the backyard. Next month, veggies. :-)
I had used the rest of my basil-in-a-bag from the grocery store, and there was a root-bulb at the bottom. So...yes. I stuck that in the dirt. I hope it regrows more basil!
So friends, beyond soaking up the sun, breathing deep, trying out a new restaurant called Thyme (outstanding!), I don't have a whole lot of profound or exciting things to report to you. But here is the sum-up... I did learn a few things this week, continuing along my self-love month (I think really, this is just how I'll be now...even when April stops):
1. Train Trouble
A friend of mine gets her hair done with some sort of special treatment...and must go to Queens to get it done. She told me all about her recent experience... She took the train (LIRR, which was already running 7 minutes late) to change at Jamaica, and found out on the Jamaica platform that the connecting train would not be stopping at Woodside, due to an emergency on-board. But...my friend's hair appointment was in Woodside. NOW WHAT? She was already running late because of the first train.
She waited for the emergency to be sorted, pacing, checking in with train personnel...nervous, annoyed, frustrated, the works. She thought about just going back home, or calling a taxi, or finding a bus...but at the very last minute, as the doors to the departing train began to close, she heard the train worker yell to her, "they're stopping at Woodside, they cleared it up!" She ran in, quickly.
She arrived in Queens, and found the location of her hairdresser. However...as she approached the building that she'd been to so many times before...she found it was closed; boarded up. She shook her head; confused. Once again, she was ready to give up and walk away, back to the train...and just go home. But simply out of bewilderment, she turned around. She did a complete 360, and viewed the whole area. Her hairdresser...had moved directly across the street. She dashed in...and was first in line for her hair treatment. She was quite pleased.
What if we didn't worry? What if...it would still be there, whatever IT is? What if we just relaxed into the train ride and enjoyed the scenery, without watching the clock? Would we still get there? I think so. Did the frustration and pacing make the emergency on-board get resolved more quickly? I don't know. I doubt it.
The more I learn about life, people, motivations and communications...the less I know, in general. Truly.
What I do know...is that we can become addicted to these screens. The messages, the statuses, the videos, the interchange...at times it feels like a whole other world, another layer of existence interlaced with this one. It's immediate, it's thought-to-thought. Instant gratification. But...it's not. We are living in the matrix folks...take a few solid days away, with no contact, no status updates, no flashing screens and so on...and see what happens to your mind. To your headspace. To your own, personal freedom to think and clarify and understand yourself. The Internet, just like TV, and all the rest...can brainwash us, if we let it. The more you ingest, the less you think for yourself. Don't get me wrong, it's a great tool. My mother lives in another state and I love sharing photos with her, for example. I have friends spread out across the globe, and Facebook helps connect us. There are positives, to be sure. It's the culture of addiction that worries me. A world of folks who'd rather read and repeat than understand and make a choice. Go wild and think for yourself...it's thrilling, liberating, to live life answering your own questions.
And how vital and important it is for us to interact with each other, face to face. We are losing our social skills to machines, and I think it has huge implications for the younger generations. I'm not suggesting that everyone needs to go frolic outside, just because I love to. We are all different, and different things motivate and drive us. But we need to keep our social skills alive...whatever your interests are, even if you're spiritual. And I'm not one to judge...maybe for some...God, magic, connection, and beauty, are found in cyberspace. Maybe that's the most adventure they get, due to other limitations. For me, it's all found beyond. In the natural world and in the silence of the mind. This is where the divine flows through and inspires. For me.
I am very grateful for those parents, and I know that you're out there, who insist upon outdoor play, playdates with other children, throwing a ball, going to a museum, etc... At the risk of repeating myself, I say again...I think digital technology is important and a great tool for us. But not at the expense of our social skills, of knowing how to have conversations, of knowing how to make eye contact with people. Sharing a smile. Laughing. Crying. Uniting for a purpose.
I have a friend who once told me that he would rather stay in a room all day connecting with his social media friends, than engage the outside world. And, to each their own, to be sure. But I think we have a responsibility to the next generation to lead and model healthier behavior than that. To breathe in life, to gaze at the sky, to appreciate natural beauty. To support and visit our parks and fresh-air spaces. To know what a praying mantis looks like. If our kids don't care about the natural world...why would they be motivated to help us clean it up? Why would they want to help us heal Mother Earth, if they never witness her majesty?
So, it's fitting that my learning curve is centered on nature...for Earth Day.
It was delightful feeling the fresh earth in my fingers, the worms wriggling, the grass beneath my knees, the wind in my hair. I am grateful to have the opportunity and the perspective to enjoy such simple things. I feel blessed that I am someone who feels at home outdoors, not everyone does. So I'm grateful for that connection. Oftentimes, I don't even need to sit and meditate. Just being outdoors does this for me. It plugs me in, clears out the cobwebs from my mind, and helps me to regain clarity. Focus.
Thank you, Mother Earth. You're beautiful and exquisite, and like a great mother, you know just how to heal me. I'll take better care of you, from now on. I'll do my part. <3
I see over and over, so many of us, caught in past hurt. If we've been lied to, manipulated, abused, taken advantage of...from the seemingly innocent mistake to the unthinkable acts of cruelty...our first reaction is to retaliate. Seek revenge. To blame. To call someone out, to be right, to preserve ourselves, and to heal. And these are all important. Tending to ourselves is vital. We must allow ourselves to heal over.
I think it's important to remember, as we go forward in our lives, that we have a choice.
Surely, we carry those hurts and scars with us. But our skin gets thicker. We get smarter. We have a choice in how we live our lives. To constantly turn over what someone did or how we were affected, can be damaging to us.
Choose to forgive. Forgive ourselves, forgive others, and make better choices going forward. Forgive ourselves for not knowing then...what we do now. And trusting in ourselves to be more aware and to make better decisions as we experience new things.
I think we need to find a way to let go of it all. Release the need to keep that cycle of repetition going, overanalyzing, overthinking, rationalizing. Let it go. And it's all the time, this letting go. It's every day, until it becomes the new normal. Understand that it's in the past, and that we have right now...this moment...and each new moment ahead of us, to make different choices.
It's good to embrace pain and hurt, it helps us to know and understand ourselves, and thereby, each other. But to stay there, to keep churning it out, over and over, serves no one. Least of all ourselves.
We all have to walk through something. We all carry hurt with us. We've all made mistakes. We're human. But every moment is new. Imagine that? The past...is in the past.
Starting right now, in this moment, we can start to create something new. Find small things to celebrate, to notice. Instead of focusing energy and thoughts on the negative, instead of blaming...we can imagine what we DO want. Create a new space, a neutral space. Fill it with positive ideas and thoughts. Smiles. Create better memories. Choose new moments that fill us up with joy, rather than clinging to times when we felt depleted, worrying that it might happen again.
Why do we do that? Sometimes, it feels familiar. We know how our pain works. We get it. We use it as armor, to protect us from future wounds. But what if we simply let go of that, and allowed new moments of beauty and simple joy to fill us instead? Energy flows where our thoughts go. If we're stuck in a cycle of doubt or blame or fear...it's time to reassess. Choose new thoughts.
The beauty of not knowing...is that what hasn't happened yet...simply hasn't happened yet. There is no right way to feel about it, because it's imaginary. The past is behind us, the future is ahead of us, waiting to be written. And this can apply to anything, to anyone. I think the majority of us have anxiety...a constant worry and need to analyze things and situations that haven't occurred yet. This can be so limiting.
Let the pain go and the story that goes with it. Allow that new space, which may feel empty, at first...to fill back up. With something beautiful. See misery, and that's what you'll get. See beauty, and that's what you'll get. It's all a matter of perspective. Don't let the ugliness and hurtful nature of some get inside of you. If it does, we don't have to let it stay. We can kick it out, like an unwelcome guest. Mind your thoughts, they create reality.
Our thoughts...create reality. Know what you want. The more we focus on pain, the more we'll get.
Free yourself. :) We're allowed to be happy in a world that believes otherwise. But we're changing. Don't you feel it? Embrace it. Tell yourself good things, imagine wonderful things to come, not vice versa.
A simple change in our thoughts...can change our lives. It already has. Let's open our eyes and participate.