what if there is no Meaning?
what if we are here, simply to Love?
To relish in what was once an abundant paradise?
what if...we had it all:
rivers, streams, wildlife, waterfalls?
conscious thought to appreciate it all
and to see and connect with each other?
and maybe somewhere,
in the realm of conscious thought,
we began to question and seek.
the seek for meaning, we had to assign meaning
great, grand, unquestionable meaning,
to such simple beauty and abundance.
we had to explain it to ourselves,
a prime reason for existence,
for what was once Heaven on earth.
to be sure, such paradise came with perils:
natural disasters and unexpected events;
the very wrath and ferocity of nature, Herself.
let us always remember that to be natural
is to be both beautiful and serene,
while also being savage and unapologetic.
utmost beauty and Light in contrast
with destruction and darkness.
this is Life. at its most simple, without pretense
and the delicious sugarcoating that we love so much.
the glaze that makes our lives so palatable and sweet,
the desire to magnify the beautiful
and look past the broken and raw and ferocious.
but we had to find meaning,
we had to, and we do still.
and so we created belief.
and then there were divergent beliefs.
this caused conflict.
and hell on Earth,
as humans battled with their beliefs
in their attempts to understand and explain what was given
in such simplicity and ease in Being.
we are here to work and to Love,
to care for ourselves and others,
to nourish and replenish,
to celebrate, to dance, to smile.
in our search to create meaning,
we've lost our true purpose.
what Life ought to mean:
Love, effort, abundance, celebration, creation, consolation, connection
what we've created in our time here:
conflict, judgments, illness, imbalance, cruelty, distortion, stagnancy, hatred, greed
we've also created:
progress, growth, art, masterpieces,
bold and unabashed testaments to our collective existence.
we bear witness to our searching hearts,
we provide proof of our existence,
we leave imprints, we plan and calculate memories
in a desperate attempt to scream out that
WE WERE HERE.
but what if there is nothing to fix?
what if this is who we are?
what if... Life... is simply this?
but not just to live
but to dive in deep
and live loudly.
to communicate, freely.
to express, to feel,
to move beyond,
to not conceal,
but to show, to share,
to glow, to be aware
of each other, so gratefully.
and how precious is this?
these strings, these precious things,
these tethers, these threads,
a simple tug, a lonely moment,
travels and connects us
to each other, but really,
back to ourselves.
because to see each other's eyes
and to breathe each other's sighs
above and between the
clenched fists and the cries
is to be Love
to be in connection
to be awakened
to know that we are all in it together
it's not how long Life is,
but it's what we do with it.
perhaps this is the question to ask:
not the why, and wherefore, and how-come
of it all, but the what.
deep into Life.
what are we doing with it?
Hello friends. It's been a while.
I'm at one of those exquisite places...when I fall off my bike. Slide off the chair, step in a puddle, hit myself in the face with a door. You get the picture...
What exactly...do we think we know?
I've had more and more folks approaching me, talking, chatting about spirituality. Spiritual awakening, what is it? Relating to things I've said or written and I relate to what they say, and in those moments...we grow. We acknowledge each other, we nod, we smile. Even if we don't see eye to eye in our interpretations, we ponder the same things. We are no longer alone in what we were experiencing. And this is beautiful no matter where we are in the circle. Because the secret is... the further we go, the less we know. And that's the real gift: it's faith, trust, and appreciation for the unknown. Freedom of mind, of other people's thoughts. The journey of the Self. Gratitude for the exploration. Gratitude for rising each morning, starting our days intentionally, and not knowing what wonderful things might happen or what challenges we might face. What a kick in the pants. And I wouldn't change a moment, the whole ride so far has helped me to become a more compassionate, patient, creative, appreciative person, finding more courage, grace, and persistence than I've ever known I had. Humbled in gratitude. <3
This is a loaded question. And I will say, that it's different for all of us, yet similar in its scope. Awakening...is transformation. Talk to people, observe, look around, notice things. Simplicity: nature, beauty, sunsets, smiles, ocean waves, birds in flight. Kindness in strangers. Patterns, trends, similarities, differences. Pay attention to how the world works, how nature works, how people work, most importantly, yourself. How YOU work. And you'll begin to understand. There is such beauty, a stillness, a peacefulness, a great Love... all around us, despite what media tells us. See...that we are all connected. Your awakening may be different from mine in what you see, feel, and know. But yet, we change. We grow. We're evolving.
I can't paint you a picture or write it all down succinctly, or explain anything to you. I can't give you a how-to list. Not really, no one can. It's about you. I can tell you about me, but I can't tell you about you. Only you...can. And that's pretty much the whole basis of waking up. Understanding that you are an individual that is multifaceted, dynamic, interesting, shocking, boring, all of it. You are a story. A grand collection and enactment of hopes, fears, dreams, and struggle. Dark and light, sorrow and joy. A dance of all of these things. And we can change what our stories say, if we see them for what they are. Once we know who we are. We get to choose, once we can see clearly. Some of us see magic, some of us see science. It's all the same to me. The true nature of the human experience... is amazingly magical and incredible to me. So the science IS the magic, and the magic is proven. It's just reality, one that most of humanity has fallen asleep to.
Who are you?
That's a whole blog in itself, but this is the direction I will leave you with: remove time. Who you are isn't your breakfast, your clothing, your mate, your job. If you were dropped into another time, far removed from this one, and you woke up, searching, exploring, seeking, feeling, acting...who is that person? That...is who you are. A soul, a being, who observes, adapts, and moves. We make the rest of it up, based upon history, experience, the thoughts of others, the ties we make, family, friends, jobs, adventure. We create stories of identity. Wake up to the idea that...you can create your life, on purpose. Consciously. Intentionally. Not as a victim of life, but as a creator of life.
I can tell you that there is great freedom to be found in facing fear, although I can't tell you what your fears are.
I can tell you that you're worthy of an amazing life and that it's okay to want things, although I can't tell you what to want.
I can tell you that I've had the most humbling, beautiful, awe-inspiring glimpses into the worlds of spirit and energy, although I can't prove them to you or tell you how to "achieve it" yourself.
I can tell you that all you need is within you and that all you need to do is listen.
I can tell you what an awakening might feel like, in terms of internal thoughts and feelings and experiences:
- suddenly seeing the world with new eyes, as if you were reborn
- finding yourself more aware of your connection to others and to the world around you, often without reason, and often at times of great grief and sorrow
- vivid dreams that seem to convey messages to you, sometimes abstract, sometimes crystal clear
- noticing patterns and synchronicity more often, and asking questions about whether they might mean something, when you had never entertained those thoughts
- consciously wanting to learn more and more; you may feel like a sponge, wanting to soak up input, constantly
- you may begin to notice things you weren't aware of before about societal function and structure, and you start to question those things as well (government, education, food, medicine, social groups, equality)
- you may feel driven by impulse, you may feel more creative, you may feel urged to follow your heart and trust your gut feelings more
- you may find yourself in battle between fact and fiction, science and spirit, what you know and what you imagine
- you may explore religion, if you never have, or you may disband with your set religion altogether, favoring freedom and compassion, but something will cause a shift in your understanding of spirituality
- you will just KNOW...that there is more. More than you ever imagined before. And you'll find yourself drawn to others who share your new views and perspectives, and your life, as you know it, will change.
Transformation is a gift. Allow it, allow your Self to rise up. And be kind, patient, and gentle with yourself. Treat yourself as if you were reborn, because you are. Parts of you must die, in order to truly live. Know that you're not alone. Know that once you fight through the jungle of doubts and torment and pain and fear and nastiness...that you'll find beauty, joy, wonder, awe, and hope. That you'll wonder how you made it through...before. Every sleepless night of thinking and rethinking and praying for peace. Every book, every new adventure, every new soul you encounter is meant to help you and guide you...not punish you. See everyone and everything as a teacher, and you'll come through lessons very quickly.
Learn. Grow. Evolve.
And always, always, always...come back to Love. <3 It's who we are, beneath it all. xo
Hello friends. It's been a doozy of a week or two. Let's just say that some recent revelations, crumbling of illusions...still... have led me to explore some old things. The past.
Everywhere we turn we read something that tells us that the past is in the past. "Let it go...let it go..." But I really do think that in order to have a clear picture of where we're going, that we must look at and know where we've been. And not to forget...but to remember.
I finally went through an old box that's been lurking around. Songs. Lyrics, chords, notes, poems...from the nineties. A lifetime ago, and yet...reading through these things, these snippets, these snapshots in time reminding me who I was, what I was feeling, what I wanted...was like reuniting with an old friend. I laughed, I cried a little, I sighed, I smiled. Music. I lived and breathed words and music. I came across notebooks that should've been filled with notes that pertained to the courses I was taking...but instead? Songs. Words, words, feelings, more words.
This in particular stuck out:
"June 10, 2000:
Too often our surroundings can suffocate us. We can become overwhelmed and feel backed into a corner. Our senses get muddled and at times it seems we're screaming with urgent intensity and yet no one is listening. Sometimes all we need is to wake up, in every way a person can awaken, and look at the world with a different perspective. Every day can be a new beginning. I know that now.
Looking back, browsing through the experiences I've had living in the microcosm I call 'my world,' it took a while to get here. Just like any other, my life was filled with ups and downs, high hopes and disappointments, triumphs and failures. What I've realized, is that every experience, every person we meet and every situation we encounter, help us to grow.
Bad things happen, but we can learn from them. The good things we can keep with us in our memories, in our hearts; they can remain there to keep us warm. In order to appreciate the positive, we must endure the negative."
I'm not sure what prompted these words...the perspective...although I'm sure if I ask around I'll find out something. Reading them took my breath away. I thought such a perspective, those words, were new and shiny for me. But they weren't. I always say that we are writing...our whole lives. And literally, right here, in my own handwriting...I see the impetus for the writing that became the novel I wrote and the quotes and inspirational words that I share. The vision, the seed, was planted so many years ago. Hidden, growing, in silence. With me...completely unaware of them. And maybe it's more than that.
Big picture...I feel as though I've just rekindled a relationship with my soul. With the child inside. And it's...awe inspiring. Inexplicable. It's...connection, in the best possible way.
What happens to us?
So many of us, as children, and into adolescence...have such vivid dreams. I was knee deep in these old songs I wrote, and they were just dripping with passion. Longing. Ideas of love. Mystery and magic. Heartbreak, emptiness, loneliness, feeling lost. And at the same time, envisioning a bright future, healing the world, breaking down stereotypes. So idealistic, so full of hope. All I wanted to do was write music, sing, and inspire people. Connect with people, connect people to each other. Let them know that if only for 3 and a half minutes...that I felt it too...that they weren't alone.
So, once again, looking back...I see that somewhere, some time...I decided that my dreams weren't enough. They wouldn't cut it. I got "real." A passion became a hobby which became a once in a while thing...which eventually faded into obscurity. Somewhere along the line, I let the external control my wishes. I stopped believing, in all of it. Until the desire to write finally rose back up. And I am still beyond grateful for that day...March 28, 2015. Renaissance began. The ME inside, woke up.
A lot of this awakening that we read about...this waking up, evolving, remembering "who we are..." doesn't always have to mean something profound and epic. Sometimes, I think that a spiritual awakening is an obstacle course, bursting with opportunities for insight and life lessons...learning compassion and imperfection... showing us a whole new perspective and vision of our lives and what they could be... to lead us right back to where we started...ourselves. Indeed, it starts within. Just think of all the systems that exist...within us. Each of us. From neutrinos to bacteria to organs to our bodies and minds and souls...there are indeed universes within each of us. And yes, we are in relationship with ourselves. From our cells to our speech. And then, to make it more fun and exciting, we are also in constant relationship with everything and everyone else. Perhaps that's why we see "Self-love" everywhere. There's so much to balance and work on within each one of us, and each thought and word and action...has impact.
Wow...so what does that mean? I don't know. I think it means that we owe it to the greater good of our species and planet, at least, to understand and know ourselves enough to be responsible participants in the journey of life.
We're all the same, at the core of things...and yet there is only one ME. There is only one YOU. Remembering who I am has more to do with the little girl who lost her way, years ago, then with ascending to mysterious dimensions of spirituality and bending space-time. And that's another topic, entirely.
It's fascinating to see how I've come full circle. Let's find ourselves, the ones who've been hidden, waiting, with so much to say, having been silenced for so long, before the influence and hardships of life got inside...and changed us. Let's find our Selves...from this life. Right here, right now. And let's get our hands dirty with learning and experiencing, with "ups and downs, high hopes and disappointments, triumphs and failures." Let's live...while we're here. Right? Isn't that the point? And to somehow find the balance in all of it, and find joy knowing that we are awake, alive, and participating in the writing of our own stories.
Whatever this Life is...it's happening. And to make the most of it, is to know...who we are. What we want. What fills us with passion. And maybe some things ought to stay in the past. Some things need another look, and they're let go. And maybe some things need to be reintegrated and given the attention that they deserve. And something else that fascinates me...one glance at these old words, from...1997, most seem to be...and the melody instantly came back. I sang them in my head as I read. How powerful is that? Not a thought in nearly 20 years, and then...wow. Instant recognition and recall. So, what does all this mean? I'm not quite sure...but I will say that I've started writing music again.
Hello, heart. I see you. Let's talk. I'm listening. <3