Whole 30 Update
I have failed... at the Whole 30. But, on purpose. Here's what happened...
I was deep into it, starting week three. I was feeling strong, dodging carbs and processed foods like Neo with the bullets at the end of the Matrix. And then, there it was...
"Here you go, Mama, you can have this pancake..." my sweet, innocent, wide-eyed little boy looked at me, offering me one of his coveted pancakes. And they were good... I had bought a nice local mix from a Taste NY shop upstate, all local, natural, non-GMO stuff. Really happy pancake mix. "They're so good, Mom, crispy on the outside and then soft and warm on the inside..." My mouth was watering.
But more than that, there was this teachable moment, just hanging there.
My options as I saw them...
1. Lie and say that I wasn't hungry, or that I didn't want it.
2. Tell him that Mommy couldn't eat it, because she was eating healthy. Hm... which is also telling my son that feeding him unhealthy food is okay?
3. Stage a coup and run for it.
I decided, in that moment... that I didn't need the Whole 30 anymore. I had cleared the sugar and toxins from my system, I was feeling great, I had no true food allergies. I had rebalanced myself. And after all, the Whole 30 is an elimination diet, not a way of life. I let it go. I'd learned how to master my cravings (at least for now) and one pancake didn't turn into a carb-a-palooza. It was just one pancake. So, for me... I chose family. That might not make sense to anyone, and that's okay. But when I was staring down the truth of that moment... eye to eye with my son... tempted to choose some rigid diet dogma over a bonding bit of food... a breaking bread together, as it were... I chose love.
Fast forward... I joined a new gym. Super cheap, workout and leave, no fancy-pants classes or juice bars or Lululemon clout going on... just the workouts, ma'am. And as I near my next birthday, I look back over November and I don't feel like a failure, at all. I feel like I won. Down ten pounds, which is great for a few weeks. I learned how to balance out my food and get back to eating in a way that's healthy for me and mine. I'm getting in better shape every day and it's not hard, grueling suffering. It's easy. It's fun. I'm glad I started the Whole 30, it was a great kick in the pants. But two weeks was plenty for me to reset. I've learned to listen to my body, and I didn't need two more weeks of the same. I remembered that I could listen... to me... and make choices from there. And it's working out great.
Travel Plans Denied and Toxic Lettuce
Yep. I ate the lettuce. I was limiting social media time, (for the most part), and missed that little thing about ALL ROMAINE BEING BAD. I ate a big salad or two from the mixed greens package I had bought. And wow. I'll just say wow. So, no road trip. Grounded.
This is what I imagine happened:
"I must travel," I chanted to the universe with my chin out and my hair twirling in the breeze.
"No, she must finish her book, the gods said. "She's not listening to us, what gives..."
"The wind will come take me, I am free, I belong to the open road! Magic awaits!"
The Heavens whisper and conspire...point at me, rolling their god eyes.
"Let's put something in her food," one of them said.
"She only eats salad and nuts..." then She smiled that smile and the planets chuckled.
"No, whattya gonna poison the lettuce? Ya can't do that?!"
"So be it..."
I know, I know, I'm not the only who got sick. I'm such a narcissist, I know. Leave me alone, I'm a writer, I write things. Deal.
So, it seems my pockets are still full, I am at home editing/rewriting, and travel has been postponed. Maybe next weekend. I'll need a spa retreat by then.
Sidenote: Stay hydrated. And also... an empty belly still needs simple sugars and some potassium. I've concocted this: coconut water, warmed up like tea, Chai tea bag with some ginger...and a spoonful of local raw honey. Heh-Vun. <3
Back into Nature and Planet Healing
So, I was lying around like a lump, feeling icky. Scrolling. Watching. Reading. Napping. Oh, how nice is napping? I miss napping. Then yesterday, the mail came... and I got my limited edition shirt supporting Jane Goodall's apes. (See: Leonardo DiCaprio's social, he has the links, if you're interested.) One day left, I think. Quality shirt, I felt good about myself for contributing, and I love apes and Gaia. So. I felt so inspired just then, tapping back into something that is so much larger than myself and my petty troubles. I remembered... purpose. And I remembered that section of Wild Horses and Mistakes where I fell so deeply in love with the natural world, and so I dove back in.
It's hard to go back to a project. When the mind sees the labor as being done, and we've released it, for the most part, it's tempting to just leave it be and keep moving. Creators create. I want to make something new, anything. Going back in to rearrange and change and adjust and eliminate and restructure, and flesh out, and fix narratives, oh, eek gads. It's a whole other side of the brain. So, more grit to be earned. More focus and fine-tuning. But once I dug back in, I found it a pleasure to revisit. Which is a wonderful feeling.
I think I needed time away, and some honest opinions, to further pull out the focus and truth in this writing. Always asking myself, "what is at stake? What are you really saying? What are you leaving your readers with?" It's easy to write for myself, it's cathartic. And writing for a niche is easy, in other ways. But combining all of that, having it be and feel true, authentic, and organic, from my heart... and yet also polished enough, streamlined, straightforward and readable and pleasant and relatable for my readers, while staying true to one overall theme... is challenging, but I'm getting in there. I tell people that I'm looking for the very best way to communicate what needs to be understood. And it's bigger than me. So, it may take a little while. I want to get it right.
In the meantime, feel free to follow along with quotes and snippets on the Wild Horses and Mistakes Facebook page.
Only love. xoxo