4 min read
Repost from earlier blog, 2018.
Crisis. Chaos. Urgency. Demands. Anxiety and fear. Social change.
There's been so much, lately... and while I unapologetically let myself wander into flow-zones and creative bliss and write into inspired mindscapes, I work - daily - in public service. My career has been in the study, tending, and serving of humanity since I was young.
And the two greatest gifts that working in service of others can give - are perspective and empathy.
And I love what it does for my writing, I love the deeper dive it gives me, into humanity. I love the widening lens I have on myself, on my relationships, my life, as I learn more about human behavior. But I've also become better and more adept at crisis management, in times of trouble - and more precisely, communication during crisis.
Energy can rage high during times of crisis, and we've been hit with crisis after crisis, lately. The fear, pain, grief, and tension all come to a head over wrongdoing, inequality, unfairness, crime, acts of hate, personal loss, environmental devastation, petty disagreements, perceived hurt, lasting uncertainty, you name it.
It's so easy to get swept up in the fear - and it can distort the way that we communicate, even when our intentions are good and just. It's easy to react with anger. It's harder to respond with compassion. It's a practice, and a worthy one. Anyone that works in service - at any level - ought to be practiced in responding with awareness, compassion, and a calm-assertive mindset.
Confronting someone from a place of grounded awareness is often uncomfortable. It's tempting to shout and rage and blame, though it comes with regret and a handful of misjudgments and mistakes and even unintended harm, sometimes.
We've all been there, in our personal and working lives - there comes a time when we all must speak up.
Personal situations put us in the center of confrontation so often in our lives: it comes up when we have to share sad news, like an unexpected health crisis or the loss of a loved one. It comes up when there is a betrayal of confidence, or a wicked misunderstanding. It comes up when we grow and want more for ourselves - and we need to voice it. It comes up when we have to speak out against something immoral that we witness.
As we journey through life, opportunities to practice confrontation pop up constantly. The minor ones come and go, easily:
But it's the big ones that shake us and make us uneasy - it's the ones we don't like to think about. The confrontations that may cause change.
In the workplace, it comes up in the form of professional disagreements. When a supervisor must correct staff, or enforce a rule or regulation. When staff must speak up to a supervisor. When changes sweep through an organization, and staff must be re-educated. These are simple bubbles of change that rise up, anywhere.
And these dynamics occur in all sorts of relationships. In romantic relationships, friendships, work relationships, and larger scale relationships, as well. Government officials and the citizens who elect them. Between country leaders and other country leaders. Race, gender, ideology, religion, anything that denotes a kind of belief about oneself, their community, and the greater world engenders an idea of relationship. We are constantly in relationship - with ourselves and with others. We fight often, within ourselves, until we seek peace and find a resolution, and continue on down our path - and so it is outside of us, as well.
Any conversation that might result in an unpleasant emotional state, for one or both parties, can be unsettling. It's just the way of things and feeling nervous before a confrontation is normal. Not wanting to hurt someone's feelings is a normal, healthy reflex. It doesn't make us weak. But the truth must always come out if we want to ensure healthy relationships, on all levels. We must always say what needs to be said - sincerity is paramount, overall. When we swallow it down and over-accomodate others, we internalize and stifle ourselves, which is never healthy in the long run. And when truth must be spoken, those emotional soft spots should be respected, but not allowed to run the conversation.
"Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind – even if your voice shakes..." Maggie Kuhn
When the moment comes to deliver the news or ask the question or raise the issue, a series of things can happen:
But stay with it. Speak the truth, deliver the goods, even if you tremble or turn red. Your body will have a reaction the first time you do it, as the rush of energy pours out, it won't feel good. You might sweat or cry afterward or feel anger or want to withdraw for a while. Sharing truth is vulnerable. But know that truth - most times - is always better on the outside, and that the waves of emotion that rush in for both parties, should subside quickly. Nerves will settle. The anxious feeling doesn't stay long and the liberation of not holding it in anymore will leave room for something new - for some growth, for some forward momentum, for some new inspiration in the relationship.
4 min read
I was in a mood this morning. I did record a video about it for you, while I was walking, but the gods of sound weren't having it. The mic cut out, constantly. I should get a new phone, the XR has never worked right. C'est la vie. Moving on.
So, here's what happened:
I signed up to become a seller of a bath and body brand that I love. It's an MLM thing, I know you know. "Why not," I figured. I LOVE the stuff.
I read up, and all I had to do was click this and send that and I'd be good.
However, they tried something new. Relentless phone calls all week. I had to verify my identity if I wanted to proceed. I finally got around to checking my messages and they had deactivated my account.
Their customer service team would be offline the day that I wanted to correspond via email.... this was strange and unprofessional. I looked into my service rep and there was a filtered photo of a child with bear ears talking to me with typos.
Assuming I was punk'd or that this was some sort of spam racket, I bowed out. Strangest customer service experience I'd ever had.
"You have to talk with us on our terms or not at all..."
Usually, since I've been alive, service was always about the customer or client. So, as someone who's worked in the field since I was a teenager... I was disenchanted.
Also, of note, I had just received a congratulatory email for being a valued member of the team!
At this point, I am confused. This is the epitome of mixed messaging, if this were me and a fella, I'd lose his number by now. But this is a business.
Here are the things I'm thinking about:
I found the whole thing odd. I thought it was a joke, because where I come from and how I work that's not how it's done. Kindness makes sense. I'd always wanted to make everyone feel at home, like they belong, and that they should always, always come back - if they wanted to.
And today's customer service - and not in all cases, but many - falls so short. There's an air of entitlement. I'll get to it when I see fit. I'll respond when I choose to. You're just a number to hit on my form. I'm not working that hard, today. This is just a job.
And I wonder if these companies know about the level of service and how much better it could be. And I wonder if these younger generations are being trained in the ways of "the customer is always right," and "service with a smile," and "my job is to make your experience great." How as customer service workers, they are the front door, the foyer, the welcoming center for all guests and clients. They represent an entire firm, company, business, or brand.
Playing hard to get with a client is just bad business, it seems. Granted, I've been in the nonprofit sector for a long, long time now, and it's different in many ways. But at the core, it's the same. Service, in all forms, is about people. Sales is about people.
I feel like I've just left the Twilight Zone. And I'm not put-out or distressed about it, but questions come up, as they do... like how are we training these people? Your brand, your name, your reputation and success are really only as good as your customer care workers. And if they don't care about their customers, they don't really care about your business, either. Fun fact.
Consumers will build generational brand loyalty with a line of cars... if they receive great customer service with just one first purchase. Buying a car is a big deal, and if they feel safe, heard, respected, they'll come back. Their kids will often be back, too.
Kindness is not just about being nice, although it should just be inherent in people... but it's also about strategy. It just makes sense to build relationships with people that you want to come back.
Happy people stick around. Just as happy and well-trained workers...stick around and work harder for you.
Is this a generational thing? Or...did I wake up in the wrong universe again?
Going to my garden, now... xoxo